What To Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

What To Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

By far, what has come as the greatest surprise to me when conducting my survey of over 200 women is the sheer amount of women who cite “fear of not being good enough” as their number one fear, it came in much higher than the “fear of failing”, which is what I had expected to be at the top of the list.

“Not being good enough” came in at over 40% (of all responses) and “fear of failing” came in at only 12%

After “not being good enough” the fear of “putting myself out there” came in a close second at over 30%.

So if you thought for even one moment that you were the only one harbouring fears of not being good enough and/or being fearful of putting yourself out there you’d be wrong – very wrong.

Ladies this is a problem, a very BIG problem.

In another section of the survey, I asked: “what was your greatest frustration in 2017?”

The answers showed 2 key themes;

1:  Working so many hours for very little financial reward – ie: not getting anywhere for all of the effort put in.

2: Not enough cash-flow – ie: they spent the year consistently behind the financial 8 ball and under big money stress.

It seems most women were struggling to turn a profit in 2017 regardless of how hard they worked their asses off.

I took one look at the results and could quickly see what was going on here – lack of self-belief and the fear of being visible (really just another form of “I’m not good enough”) was having a direct impact on bottom-lines across the entrepreneurial landscape.

The survey really just confirmed for me what I already knew – success starts with you and what goes on between your ears and that most women haven’t truly taken care of the business of developing a strong sense of what makes them unique and great and powerful AND believing it 100%.

Most women let the fear of not being good enough, or some version of that, hold them back.

And that has to stop – NOW!

All businesses experience setbacks; failed launches, cashflow issues and unhappy clients are all part of the deal in business but if you have resilience and a deep sense of trust in yourself to turn things around whenever you need to you’ll navigate the shitstorm and take it in your stride, all the while plotting your next move.

But for a woman who is already on shaky ground, these setbacks can be devastating and can often create a hole so deep they simply can’t climb out of, leaving many with no other option than to go back to work or rely to on their partners to bail them out, adding relationship stress to the mix.

The saddest part for me in all of this is that failure IS preventable because you CAN develop the fortitude and confidence you need as a woman entrepreneur to become a formidable powerhouse…you can.

It IS possible to get to a place of feeling good enough.

To get to a place of KNOWING you can achieve anything you set your mind too and that success is your default.

And to act on your DECISION to go all in and to put yourself out there FULLY because you know that’s what it takes to be successful.

Even if you’re a natural introvert (like me).

So what do you do when you don’t feel good enough?

The good news is that I’m creating a program as we speak that systematically helps you to build bulletproof confidence so you feel unstoppable and simply get on with the task of making big stuff happen unhindered by those shitty feelings of not being good enough.

In the meantime here are 3 things you can do when you’re not feeling good enough.

1: Step away from wherever you’re not feeling good enough, for example, let’s say you’re not feeling good enough if your business, take some time away from your business and go do something you’re good at.

Are you a great sportswoman or a great organiser or a great mother or a great friend or a great painter?

Whatever you ARE great at, go do that and do a LOT of it so it takes you back to that place of feeling confident, competent and grounded in feelings of being good enough.

This will have a crossover effect and you’ll head back to your business feeling like a competent and capable woman who has a lot to give and you’ll make different, BETTER decisions from this place.

2: We’re all guilty of letting that one single negative comment or setback spread like wildfire through our minds so that it colours our entire world and while this is taking place we forget all the good we’ve done and just how much the rest of the world thinks we’re awesome.  It’s some shitty “human nature” thing that I have no idea the purpose of but it means that if you’re already shaky something like that just “confirms” for you that you ARE crap after all! In your mind anyway.

This is the time you need to look back over your client testimonials and to look at the awesome comments people have posted on your social pages.

Essentially you need to undo the job you’ve just done on yourself by looking outside of yourself and allow yourself to see how OTHERS see you, rather than the beat up job you’ve done on yourself.

You will always be your harshest critic so at times like this it’s helpful to see yourself through the eyes of people who think you’re awesome.

3: Journal “I am” statements, for example, I AM powerful, I AM an incredible coach, I AM a successful and savvy entrepreneur, I AM having an impact on peoples lives, I AM winning this thing.

And then journal on this….”how do I WANT to feel right now?”.

These activities will disrupt your crappy thinking and get you back to focusing on action and action trumps fear – it’s very difficult to remain in fear when you’re hustling and before you know it you’ll be gaining momentum like nobody’s business.

Now each of these things will help you in the moment and get you through but I want you to understand they’re band-aids, coping skills for feelings of inadequacy and fear.

I want to get you to a place where feelings of inadequacy no longer exist for you because you’ve done the work on cultivating true feelings of self-belief and the conviction you can and will succeed at the things that are important to you.

Have a fabulous rest of your day and remember to keep your eye on your inbox if you’re on my list or on my FB Page if you’re not because I’ll be running a pre-launch of my newest program in the coming days.

M xo


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18 Things I’m Embracing In 2018

18 Things I’m Embracing In 2018

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!

I totally LOVE a New Year and I also LOVE Mondays so you can only imagine how freaking EXCITED I was when I discovered that the very first day of the year was also a Monday!!??

This is the Monday mother-load!!!

I’ve had this day carefully planned for a while now and I plan to soak up every last minute of it and to kick off here are 18 things I’ll be embracing in 2018.

1: Next level simplicity, in every area of my life. If it’s too
complicated or I need to labour too hard over it, it’s gone and that includes relationships.

2: Receiving as well as giving – I’m a giver by nature…receiving not so much! I’d forgotten what someone had once told me which was “Giving is the gift and when you give but don’t receive you’re robbing people of the opportunity to feel good”. Makes sense, there’s nothing I like better than to be generous (including with my time) and to make people feel good, so others are bound to feel the same. So receiving it is.

3: I’m letting EASE back into my life, not everything has to be fought for to win it. Ease is my natural state so it’s time to honour it again.

4: I’m enforcing tighter boundaries around what I am and what I am not prepared to do in my business, this was mostly sorted in 2017 but I’m drawing a big, fat line in the sand today.

5: Two weekdays away from my desk without a shred of guilt. The reality is that I can do this now but have been forcing myself to “keep at it” when I honestly don’t believe I need to be working 5 days a week anymore.

6: This is a biggie but I won’t be doing any private coaching in 2018. I need a break from this and it feels good to put it out there. I’ll be running group and evergreen programs in 2018 but no private coaching.

7: Multiple Passive Income Streams – I’m all about that in 2018 🙂

8: Less is more, sort of like simplicity but this is a conscious decision to pare back my possessions and my consumption. I have enough.

9: Quality over everything else, in my relationships, any purchases I do make and in the work I do.

10: More love, I’ve had a fence up in 2017 and I’m ready to tear it down and open myself up to more meaningful and deeply connected relationships and to deepening the ones I already have.

11: My badass – I spent much of 2017 gathering my strength for my comeback and I’m feeling more powerful than I ever have in my life.

12: Zero compromise, I know who I am and what I stand for and I know my non-negotiables. That’s in concrete.

13: My fighting spirit – don’t like me? Don’t like the way I challenge you or force you to grow or the opinions I hold or the things I share or the way I say fuck a lot? You know what you can do. I won’t be made to feel inadequate or less than because you want to feel better about your sorry ass. I know who I am and I’m 1,000% good enough. I like myself a lot. I’m a good woman with a shitload of strength and integrity, if you can’t see that then that’s your problem, not mine so it’s time to leave. I’m not for everyone and that’s more than ok.

14: Solitude – I love my own space and I used to think a little too much, but now I get it. I just like my own company and I’m ok with that.

15: Less glitz more substance – I’m a classy lady but nature (in my own way) and I don’t need to go out of my way to prove that to anyone, what you see is what you get and sometimes that means my roots don’t get done because I can’t be assed sitting in the hairdressing chair for 3 hours just to show up looking good on camera.

16: FULL visibility – I needed time to gather myself again and work out what my message was to be now I’ve pivoted so I stepped away from the internet. But I’m back. On this page and insta (livestreaming) and youtube AND few other bits and bobs. I’m back with full force.

17: Having it all worked out – I trust my instincts and my gut is always the very best guide so I’m staying open to what comes next in every moment, the answers are always IN the moment.

18: My martial artist – this is who I am as well as what I do. I’m embracing my training in 2018 and committing to getting back to my best even with my hip working against me. The physical pain I suffer is nothing compared to the mental pain of not being on the mat a few times a week.

So there it is 🙂

I’d love to hear what you’re embracing in 2018 so please let me know in the comments and tag anyone you think needs to see this.

Big love.

M xo

My Observations On Why People Fail – Part 1

My Observations On Why People Fail – Part 1

If you failed to reach your goals this year the first thing I want you to do is look back at the time of setting said goals and ask yourself this…

Did you REALLY believe you’d achieve them?

This leads to my first observation.


Setting the goals is the easy part and to be honest, most people really just go through the motions of goal setting without doing the work that really matters.  The way it usually goes is that they compile a list of things that would be nice to achieve based on what they “think” they want and leave it at that.

The true power of goal setting is to understand yourself fully and know that your goals line up with your values and who you are at your core and then getting deep into WHY achieving these goal’s is important to you.  And then the most important part, doing the groundwork to uncover why you CAN and WILL achieve your goals.

You need to be 100% CONVINCED that you can achieve the goals you’ve set, regardless of how big they are.  Without 100% conviction from the get-go, it ain’t gonna happen.



Here’s the truth, in most cases if you knew HOW to get the “thing” you’d HAVE the thing alread, it’s really that simple.

Most people refuse to invest in experts who will help them get where they want to go quickly and smoothly and refuse to acknowledge that the months (or years) spend fucking around trying to do it themselves have cost them 10 times that expert or coach would have cost them.

Months of costly mistakes.

Months of money NOT coming in from the product they were supposed to launch 6 months ago.

And a huge loss of momentum that turns a once outstanding idea into something you resent and fail at.

I had my first book manuscript in my files for well over a decade – within 3 or 4 months of working with a writing accountability coach I had written and self-published my first book AND had a copy right here in my hot little hands.

When I decided I wanted to speak in the US I hired a company to pull a room together for me – that happened in under 2 months.

I have countless examples of the times I invested and almost had to sell a kidney because I couldn’t afford it at the time, in fact, many of those times I had NO IDEA how I was going to pay for the investment. But I did. And was never late on a single payment because that was not an option for me.

There are two ways to go about things:

Take the time and educate yourself on the stuff you don’t know and do it properly – this will take time but anyone can learn what they need to learn with the right amount of time and effort.


Pay someone who knows this stuff already who will get you there faster – in most cases the skill you learn yourself is NOT something you want to be doing anyway so why do it?

Make the investment, make the commitment and then have a FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION attitude – that’s the way I got to where I am today.



Even if you do goal setting right and have 100% conviction on your side there is still one major obstacle to overcome and that is the constant setbacks and running into walls that chasing big goals attracts.

We’ve all seen this image of success and anytime someone posts it on social it gets a lot of comments BUT in my opinion, people don’t really get it.

It’s a cute visual and 100% accurate but looking at it and living it are two very different things.

I’m a tough nut and the mess in the middle doesn’t phase me in the least these days, the crappy bit in the middle is part of the deal. I’ve yet to ever achieve a goal without it and you won’t have either.

This is going to piss people off but a lot of people are too freaking soft and they let the setbacks stop them dead in their tracks and then they make all sorts of excuses and whinge and whine and carry on focusing on the problem when what they should be doing is working out “how the fuck do I fix this and NOW?!”.

I’m going to come back to getting help here, if you have a coach you respect watching your every move (and on the clock = $$) do you seriously think you’ll be sitting around making excuses and avoiding? Or would you just get on with figuring shit out and FAST so you can get to the next step?

You’ll ALWAYS achieve more with a coach looking over your shoulder keeping you honest and besides that, they’re there to help you figure stuff out faster.

You run faster, lift heavier and go longer with a coach pushing you in fitness – it’s the same in every other part of your life.

Been single too long? There’s a good chance you’re NOT doing what it takes to find lurve…so hire a relationship or dating coach and get your ass out there.

Instead of saying “I can’t afford a dating coach right now” focus on HOW can I afford a dating coach RIGHT NOW…and make it happen.

Anything big you want to achieve in your life WILL require sacrifice and WILL attract hard times, so get help so you don’t get stuck in no-mans land for months on end.



If you see yourself as a failure, you WILL be a failure.

Here’s the deal…EVERYONE on the planet has experienced failure and you know what?

The bigger the goal the bigger the failure – we’re talking EPIC proportions.

But that’s just a thing we call so what, you cannot get from A – Z without failing so get used to it.

And flip the notion of you BEING a failure on its head.

Are you are “failure” or are you someone who takes risks that don’t always pay off? Reframe how you think about yourself and see yourself as a winner at life, and someone who has the balls to try.



I recently conducted a poll with over 200 women entrepreneurs and do you know what their Number 1 FAILED non-business related goal was?

Health and Fitness: So losing weight, getting fit or being healthier.

And the second?

Relationships:  Things like neglected marriages, not spending enough time with their kids, friends etc.

You CANNOT achieve LIFE-CHANGING goals in one area of your life and let the other areas turn to shit and expect any success you do manage to make to be sustainable. It won’t. You’ll self-combust.

Hit financial success in your business and finally get to fly business class to a long-awaited destination but hate the way you look and feel because you’ve stacked on 20kg while you “built your empire” and that is NOT success my friend. That is exchanging one struggle for another.

Get yourself those long desired abs but you can’t enjoy social time with friends or your partner and you’re boring as crap and make everyone around you miserable and THAT is not success, THAT is a sign you need to look at why this was so important in the first place that you’d sacrifice your relationships to look a certain way.

Simple – Stop being so one-dimensional and boring AF, live a FULL life.

High-Achievers are people who are not great at ONE thing but do many things well. Most high-performing athletes can play multiple sports at a high level and are highly intelligent in many other ways as well.

Be the person who is fit and health AND successful AND has a life outside of business and your success across all areas WILL be greater.



Back to my survey results….the top 2 reasons women aren’t doing business on their terms are:

They lack the confidence to do what they truly want to do in their business.


They know where they want to take their business from here but they’re too scared to leap.

When I asked the question “What scares you most?” this was the resounding No:1 answer…..NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH!

Feelings of fear, lack of confidence and not feeling good enough all suck big hairy balls but you know what? 

They’re just that, FEELINGS and guess what??

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< THIS.

You don’t need to “feel like it” to get your ass out of bed and feed your crying baby at 3am, you just do it because it has to be done.

You don’t need to “feel confident” to walk in the gym and sweat – you just need to DO IT!

You don’t need to “feel good about yourself” to write your next blog post – yup, you just need to DO IT!

Feelings of inadequacy WILL be your constant companion if you plan on achieving anything big in your life so get used it and find a way to deal with it AND move forwards at the same time.

Try this for size…STOP letting your feelings and emotions guide your decisions and start letting your (lady) balls to do the talking from here on in.



Here’s another truth you’re probably not going to like. Most people SAY they want “it”, the thing, whatever it is but they don’t really.

Hey I’m guilty of it myself, in fact, a chunk of 2017 turned into a cluster fuck for me BECAUSE in 2015 and 2016 I told myself I wanted things that I didn’t really want, I just thought I wanted them, so I’m speaking from experience.

I hit some great levels in my business but never was truly inspired to go ALL IN – ALL OUT – BALLS TO THE WALL and for the life of me I couldn’t work out why the hell not.

Well now it’s clear, I’d set myself up on a trajectory that was wrong from the start, even though it was a successful one.

It really is this simple – if you don’t want it badly enough it’s NOT the right thing and no amount of convincing yourself otherwise is going to change that. So work out why you don’t want it badly enough and move on.


I could go on for days because I’m on a roll but I’m going to keep some up my sleeve for Part 2 🙂


So that’s a wrap for now but before I go a reminder that there are only 3 days left (including today) to get 50% off my 1 Month Coaching Package.

I’m offering my 1 Month Coaching Package at 50% Off but ONLY until 31st of December (Usually $4,997 – now $2497 +GST).

This is a great way to start 2018 off on the right foot and gain a massive amount of momentum and get you geared for success.

The package includes an initial strategy session (up to 2 hours) and a further 3 sessions of up to an hour each PLUS daily accountability.

I don’t often work this closely with my clients and I won’t be offering this again anytime soon so if you’re ready to invest in yourself and invest in ensuring 2018 hits all the right notes you can message me HERE






Sooo many people on this planet are merely existing and plodding along going through the motions day in day out.

Many are ruled by fear and insecurity and in the end, their lives become a passive passing of time.

Please, don’t let that be you!

You’ve got to grab life by the balls and give it everything you’ve got!

I know it’s a cliche but you really DO only get to live it once, there is no do-over, there is no dress rehearsal…this is IT!

You’re doing life NOW.

Right now.

That time The Commando’s film crew followed me around all day.

In this very moment.

So are you rocking it or are you “waiting” your time away?

Waiting for the thing that’s going flick that switch in you so you suddenly wake up filled with purpose and passion each day.

Or are you waiting UNTIL…until you meet the guy, lose the weight, make the money, have the success?

If you’re not careful you will WAIT YOUR LIFE AWAY.

Living a life you love is an URGENT matter, not something you passively sit and wait for because time marches on quickly and before you know it you’ll have wasted a decade.

And for what?

Because you weren’t READY??

Well…..what is it going to take for you to BE ready??

Please….make the decision today to live your dream life and to make the most of every moment of it.

Stuck for how?



What are you saying no to right now that you desperately want to say yes to?

If you’re saying NO because you do don’t feel ready, or because you’re too fat or because you’re not good enough yet then you’re doing life wrong.

And you’re missing out.

Say yes to booking the venue for your event.

Say yes to writing the book.

Say yes to getting on stage.

Say yes to changing careers.

Say yes to asking that cute guy on a date.

Say yes to leaving your lousy marriage.

Say yes to starting that dance class.

Say yes to investing in that program you KNOW will change your life.

Say yes to booking that overseas holiday even though you have no idea how you’ll pay for it.


You HAVE to take yourself out of the mundane daily routine of putting one foot in front of the other.

Even if you love your comfortable little life and your usual routine living a rich and juicy life requires you to shake things up and get outside your comfort zone.


Go for a ride in an aerobatic warplane.

Swim with sharks.

Jump off a cliff into deep blue water.

Sign up for a marathon even though you’ve never run more than 5k.

Try Martial Arts for the first time.

Book yourself into a week-long hiking adventure where you don’t know a soul.

Book a 3-day getaway somewhere exotic with a group of your besties.


When you’re plodding through life it’s easy to become disconnected from your community and to stop meeting new people.

New people make life juicy!

Great conversations are something I LIVE for and I go out of my way to have as many of them as I can every single day. From the person who makes my coffee to the personal trainer who works out of the gym I train at and is always up for a chat, to the person working the checkout.


Engage with strangers and have juicy conversations.

Go to that family function even though most of your family sucks, that one person, that one conversation will make it all worthwhile.

Volunteer at the local fun run.

Or food shelter.

Stop turning down invitations and start showing up.

Be IN your life and enjoy the moments as they occur.

Attend community events and meet new people.

Sign up for the group fitness challenge at your local gym and become part of a community all striving for the same thing.

LIFE IS MEANT FOR LIVING, it is not meant for existing so get yourself out there doing things that excite you and meeting people who make your heart happy and visiting places you’ll remember forever.

Now would be the perfect time to set yourself some big scary goals for 2018, goals that will shake your life up, fire you up and get you excited about life.

Don’t let another year slip by without creating some EPIC memories that will last a lifetime.

That is all 🙂

Live large people!

M xo

HAVE YOU SET YOUR GOALS FOR 2018 YET?  If not then check out my 2018 SUCCESS PLANNING ONLINE BOOTCAMP where I guide you through creating goals and strategies for an incredible 2018. Details HERE

How do you know if you CAN?

How do you know if you CAN?

As a kid I was shy.
In fact, this is how my mum would introduce me…”this is Michelle, she’s shy” or ” this is Michelle, she’s the shy one”.
I know my mum didn’t mean anything by it and that she was simply stating the obvious because I did hide behind her skirts and would blush like crazy if any attention came my way.
The problem was that I IDENTIFIED with being the shy one, with being shy, and I told myself I couldn’t do a lot of things “because I’m shy”!!!
I was achieving some pretty cool things in my early life but I was operating by stealth, flying under the radar the whole time.
Then it all came to a head when I took myself back to school at the ripe old age of 20!
Not having sat in a classroom for 6 years this challenged me in many ways but the greatest challenge of them all was when at the beginning of the year our head lecturer informed us that in Term 4 we’d have to stand up in front of the room and speak for a minimum of 20 minutes.
I didn’t follow the rest of what he was saying because I was spinning out and already telling myself I was going to fail, that I might as well quit now because there was no way in hell I was going to be able to do this.
I can’t tell you how many hours I wasted over those next 9 or 10 months FREAKING OUT!
I was constantly worried about this looming scary THING that I had no control over.
I was the shy one!!!
I was SHY!
Standing in front of a room of my peers and speaking DID NOT COMPUTE.
But thankfully somewhere along the way, something kicked in and I began to focus on how I could do it without embarrassing myself.
Thoughts of doing it well were not even on the radar, my no.1 focus was DO NOT HUMILIATE YOURSELF.
At the time I was learning to fly and I was getting ready to sit the theory portion of my Pilots Licence and all of a sudden it dawned on me that in my presentation I could teach the Principles Of Flight because I’d cement my learning for my pilot’s license AND have something to talk about that I knew.
Hurdle No.1 was overcome…the WHAT.
I then became excited about the HOW.
I think it was here that I first learned that I could make complex ideas simple and easy to learn.
I LOVED putting that presentation together and while I was NOT excited about presenting I was excited about the content.
Presentation day came and I freaking NAILED it!
I’d spent every break and all of lunch time under a tree practicing and practicing and practicing because it kept my anxiety somewhat contained.
When I got up I was nervous but before I knew it I had found my rhythm and was actually ENJOYING MYSELF!!
Who knew??!!
I found that I loved teaching people things they didn’t know!
I had a bunch of questions coming my way at the end and I loved that even more!
The more questions I answered the more I realised I knew.
I had a depth of knowledge on this that I didn’t know I possessed until then.
My lecturer and my fellow students were really impressed and I spent the rest of the day on cloud nine, partly because the thing that had stressed me out all year was over but mostly because I’d learned so much about myself that day.
Even that same morning you would never have been able to convince me that not only would I get through it but that I was excel at speaking and that I’d enjoy it…AND WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!!
I’ve been on stage many, many times since that first foray into public speaking 28 years ago and I still love it for the same reason.
I LOVE sharing knowledge and I love making things that seem difficult easy, or simple at the very least.
I’m totally at ease in front of a room and you can hand the mike to me anyday.
Being front and centre still challenges me.
Believe it or not I don’t like being the centre of attention.
But I DO believe that what I have to say is important and that it has an impact.
These days when I’m on stage I don’t even think about me, all I’m thinking about is my audience and how I can best inspire them to USE the knowledge I’m sharing.
Had I quit my course back then to avoid speaking I’d never have known I was good at it.
Or how much I’d love it.
It’s funny when I was a kid I was always hiring out teaching kits from the library and pulling together a bunch of poor, unsuspecting kids to come to my “school” where I’d teach them the stuff from the kit and my sister and I had a TV show too so the seed must have been planted somewhere early on that this was going to be a part of my life and then somewhere along the way fear and doubt showed up and I listened.
So….that thing you’re doubting over?
That “can I really do it?” thing?
It’s time to just freaking DO IT!
Who know’s what’s on the other side of doing it, maybe it’s the very thing you’ll want to KEEP doing for the rest of your life.
It’s worth exploring don’t you think??
M xo
Lost your mojo and need to find your spark again?
Then check out my FREE 5 Day Program IGNITION, you can get started right away and I promise that you’ll be back to your best in no-time.



I’m breaking my “no social on the weekends” rule today because my IGNITION Program opened yesterday and I’m welcoming people into the group – It’s awesome, it’s starting soon and it’s FREE so get on it! http://www.michellehext.com/ignition
I digress…as you know I’m rebranding my MH brand but to be honest I’m in no hurry to do “ALL THE THINGS” that are required with a rebrand (new header artwork, email signatures etc) because the visual stuff is still a work in progress.

BUT…I’m slowly looking over all of my social collateral to create lists of things that need to be done when I finally nail the visual side of my brand and can swing into action changing everything up with my new branding.

Today I fell into the deep well that is google’s “about me” (https://aboutme.google.com/?referer=gplus) which is attached to my old blogger accounts and associated images.

As I clicked on the albums some really, REALLY cool memories came flooding back.

That time I ran the Paris Marathon for my 40th Birthday.

My first half marathon (I ran 3).

My 10K PB.

My first online baby – Glow

The misguided attempt to launch the men’s version of the same based on demands of the women doing my Glow stuff.

Yeah…turns out this wasn’t my thing…but I did have a blast launching it so it wasn’t all lost.

The thing to really note about this era of my life is this….

I effing HATED long distance running!!!!


It was also the era I tried my hand at triathlon and hated that too!!!

Those 3-hour runs and bike rides seriously made me question the will to live weekend after weekend after weekend….for YEARS!!!!!

But I just wouldn’t quit.

I needed to conquer it.

And I was honestly not great at it!!

My 10K PB was around 53 minutes.

Nothing to write home about.

And that was after a LOT of training.

But I took it all very seriously and I gave myself every chance to be good at it.

I trained with a coach.

I had professionally and personally written programs that I followed to a tee.

I trained like an athlete.

I ate like an athlete.

I THOUGHT like an athlete.

And I simply ignored my shitty times.

And I ignored the fact that, compared to others, I was in fact shit at it.

I focused on the fact that no-one could outdo me on commitment.

No-one could outdo me on professionalism.

No-one could outdo my attitude.

Or grit.

And guts.

And determination.

One particular heart breaking memory was the time I did my first ever Olympic Distance Triathlon.

Also my first open water swim (I’d learned to swim 6 weeks before my first triathlon and that was only 6 months or so prior).

And my first time wearing a wetsuit #rookieerror

That was the first time I’d ever wished I was the sort of woman who quit.

Gave in.

Admitted defeat.

But no…..instead I endured the highly uncomfortable experience of having my ass handed to me in the most humiliating way.

I came last.

And not just a little bit last.

They were waiting for me so they could pack up the drink stations type last.

As in my bike rack being the ONLY one left on the grass (with a small section of rail still upright holding my bag) kinda last.

I had pulled out of the swim because I kept panicking.

I get claustrophobic and the water was ink black and I couldn’t even see my hand in front of me.

Every time I flipped back over to swim I panicked and after about 30 minutes of getting nowhere fast and drifting off course I put my hand up.

I was so bloody angry with myself I can’t even tell you.

As they hauled my sorry ass into the aluminum dingy they informed me that even though I didn’t finish the swim I could still finish the race.

I can’t tell you how much dread overcame me at that time because even though ALL I wanted to do was quit I knew it wasn’t possible for me.

So I suffered.

Every inch of it.

I wasn’t allowed to begin the bike until everyone had left the transition area – I was last when I began, and that’s where I stayed.

This particular tri is held early in the season and is usually not for newbies so the crew doing the course were an above average field.

I was average at best.

I had only ever competed in the sprint distance too, so instead of 10K on the bike I was doing 40K, instead of a 500m swim I was doing 1800m (well I reckon I did 400m at least!!) and the run was 10K instead of 5.

It was actually a really stupid fucking idea to start with, to be honest…I was punching WAY above my racing weight.

The cherry on the top was seeing the entry to the finish and seeing a massive crowd still gathered around the finish because they knew someone was still on the course.

I just wanted the ground to swallow me up NOW.

But nope…my humiliation was not complete.

They cheered and carried on as I crossed the line and walked across to my lone bike rack section in the middle of an empty paddock.

A couple of the guys from the tri squad had waited around for me (more humiliation) and came over to me when I was packing up.

They said they’d been pulled out of the water but didn’t finish and that a lot of people had been pulled out.

They told me how ballsy it was that I finished when no-one else who was pulled from the water went on to complete.

Even one of the stars of the club was pulled out and didn’t finish.

But none of that made me feel any better.

I just wanted to hide away and never show my face ever again.

It was one of the toughest moments I’d faced in a long time around this stuff because I’m a highly capable athlete and for decades had been used to being good at any physical skill I tried (except for golf but my first practice putting with Dave in the US I got the ball in the hole first go from about 12 metres away and then the next 2 were about 10cm away from the hole – Dave called me tin-arse).

To work so hard for so long at triathlon (and running) and just not be any good AT ALL after all of that effort was bitter medicine to swallow.

Now I look back and while it still bites I can see just how impressive my effort and attitude and discipline were over those years I bashed my head against walls and pushed shit up hill.

It sucked (A LOT) at the time but it’s really nice to look back on these memories now that they’re done.

The whole time I figured I’d get better.

I never questioned that I would improve and hit my goals (which were NOT winning but hitting some decent times).

And I gave myself every opportunity to do so.

But it was not to be.

But the years weren’t wasted.

I learned so much from what I call my “endurance phase” that my usual style of training could never teach me.

In taekwondo the lessons were different.

But they helped.

For example….no-one was going to attempt to take my head off my shoulders during a 5k fun run 🙂

It was just me against me.

And that’s harder for me.

Put me up against competition and it’s on like donkey kong.

It’s easier for me to compete when I have something to push against.

Something to WIN.

Slogging out a 3-hour run when you hate every minute of it teaches you something about yourself.

And those lessons were a blessing.

And definitely, could not have been learned any other way than the hard way.

Coz that’s the way I roll 🙂

If you made it to the end thank-you for taking a stroll down memory lane with me…I enjoyed your company.

M xox

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